SasaMisa - Mahou Shoujo / Magical Girls R Us

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Rants

Pretty much what it says, a page containing some of my more noteworthy diatribes about various subjects, starting with the subject that has been playing on my mind for quite a while now, ever since I got back into The Simpsons (^_^;)

Update: I do plan to watch Season 19 in the coming months, if only so I can add some more material here (Season 20 will have to wait until it's completely finished, with 'finished' undoubtedly being the show's epitath). Until I get round to it though, by all means check out a very poignant review on the condition of the show nowadays, plus an equally poignant response by my partner in Simpsons crime, Scanner (^_^)

http://www.sasamisa.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=357

My Personal Simpsons Rant

Here's a simple question for you: why does The Simpsons bloody well suck arse as a series now, compared to 10 years ago? (^_^;)

Some people would say it's because it's been running too long and the writers have all run out of ideas. Others would say it's down to bad management by a network that relies far too heavily on its success to keep them afloat. With me though, I just think it's because the show has become it's own worst enemy, with the sale of $2 billion of merchandise a year being far more important that any statement it once made (-_-)

How ironic that the show that once saw me through one of the darkest times of my life, is now so irrelevant I actually dread watching it, knowing that it is just going to piss me off as one hack writer after another butchers what's left of the characters. Indeed, if it hadn't have been for Lisa and 'Moanin' Lisa Blues' on that 'The Simpsons Sing The Blues' tape my brother gave me all those years ago, I may not be here now to tell you this story (-_-)

I mean, I've talked to at least 4 other people about this: Twisted Odin, a long-term fan like myself; Tommy Simms, the WWOEC artist who first acknowledged that I'd seen all the good stuff back when I was younger; my brother; a casual viewer of just about everything; and his mate at work, who intially felt the same way about the show I did - and they all say the same thing: the show took a nose dive after Season 9 was out and despite what the fans may say, it has never recovered! (-_-)

Anyway, for now, rather than attempt to point out every little detail about the last 10 years that pisses me off about the show (I'll be adding some of my earlier rants here soon enough in any case), I'm going to cite the last two seasons, plus the reasons why I think Al Jean should be fired without delay, simply because from the start of Season 17 through to this week's unbelievably poor taste of an episode in Season 18, the rot has accelerated like wildfire through a dry field. In fact, I kid you not that I even had to look up the titles to remember what most of the episodes were even about, they were that forgettably bad (-_-)

The twe worst seasons ever!?

Many fans claim Season 9 is where the classic era ended and the series started to take a turn for the worst (ironically, as Tommy observed, about the same time I moved house back in 1995), with Seasons 11 & 12 cited as the worst of the lot. However, I personally don't agree with the status quo and actually think the latest two seasons are so badly out of place next to everything else, they should be decanonised and thrown in the bin. Not only did they hire 'kiddie' writers who shouldn't even be near the production of a show like this, let alone writing for it, too many of them are stealing their ideas from Family Guy & South Park, two shows that are nothing like The Simpsons at all, in a pathetic attempt to grab much needed ratings.

To back this up, what follows is a quick summary of every episode of the last two seasons citing why I think they are so awful:-

Season 17

Although Season 16 wasn't the greatest the show had to offer (that horrible Halloween Special with the 'vore' fetish springs to mind here; the subtlety of Nightmare Cafeteria it wasn't), it had far more good episodes than this one did. I'm still at a loss to understand what the hell went wrong in this season, but from the word go, it was a trainwreck just waiting to happen. When they weren't continuing the now universally boring format of Marge/Homer breakup episodes (there are no less than FIVE episodes about it this season, you know, two of them even following one another!), they were doing their level best to butcher Lisa's character, while having Bart make her look as undesirable as possible, no doubt because Groening & Co. know about the likes of us.

On a similar note, The twins, Sherri & Terri get barely a few lines between them the entire season, no doubt because the 'Cast of Six' hated the idea of Russi Taylor upstaging them in Sleeping With The Enemy last season (half the time, the artists don't even bother to draw them together, or even correctly for that matter, a la My Fair Laddy). You'll also observe that Lisa's so called best friend, Allison, doesn't get a single line to herself whatsoever, much less a scene with her. Nope, instead, you get dozens of 'let's have Lisa behaving like a freak' scenes instead, driving her already shaky character further in disrepute, In short, anyone hoping for a repeat of Lisa's Substitute or Lisa's Wedding can just forget it - the writers are just too dumb!

01 Treehouse Of Horror XVI

Without a doubt the most boring Halloween Special ever produced. The plot was so convoluted, it was like watching an episode of Family Guy, but without the laughs (-_-)

3/10

02 The Girl Who Slept Too Little

Normally, I love all episodes about Lisa, but this one just hammers home the tired old format of Homer/Lisa pissed off at one another. Then a reset button is pressed and all is well, completely removing any feeling the story was meant to have. Incidentally, this episode was the only one in the whole season to have an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon in it, not that they even bothered to give it a name or show the opener (-_-)

4/10

03 The Bonfire Of The Manatees

Marge episodes are rarely that good, but this one sucked so bad (reusing the age-old Marge/Homer breakup shite again) that I doubt anyone with any taste found it even remotely interesting or funny (-_-)

2/10

04 Milhouse of Sand And Fog

Probably one of the only episodes this season that didn't suck... ah, that is until the writers switched from an amusing plot about Milhouse and his parents to the Marge/Homer breakup bit again, not one bloody episode after using the same tired old plotline to carry an entire episode to its sad, painful conclusion (-_-)

6/10

05 Marge's Son Poisoning

Since when is Bart 'not' a mommy's boy? Horrible characterisation and a crappy script ruined this one (-_-)

4/10

06 See Homer Run

Stupid Homer scheme episode that made little or no sense to anyone, other than the writers I'm sure (-_-)

4/10

07 The Last Of The Red Hat Mamas

Continuing the trend of 'we must have so many of each character episodes per season', we get lumbered with yet another boring Marge episode. Even Burns couldn't save this one (-_-)

2/10

08 The Italian Bob

God, will someone 'please' kill this git off. I mean, he was funny in the beginning, but now he is just like the show: a trite, cliched, totally unfunny joke (-_-)

3/10

09 Simpsons Christmas Stories

Like the Halloween Special, boring; it's just been done too many times before to take seriously anymore (-_-)

3/10

10 Homer's Paternity Coot

Not a bad episode, just boring. American Dad did it so much better (-_-)

3/10

11 We're On the Road to D'owhere

An aptly named title, the one where Lisa has to become a hooker at the end to pay to keep herself & Maggie. Oh, no, sorry, that didn't happen, didn't it. Instead they just recycled 'The Wandering Juvie' without a plot that made any sense (-_-)

4/10

12 My Fair Laddy

You just know they're out of ideas when they start making episodes about the one-liner characters don't you. Don't get me wrong, Willie is great for those, but a whole episode, get real people! (-_-)

3/10

13 The Seemingly Never-Ending Story

Another episode that didn't suck per se, but still had undesirable elements in it, such as Bart criticising Lisa's personal hygiene in a pathetic attempt to put the fans off her. Well, at least Edna got some air time for change; they must have paid Castalleneta & Cartwright a mint to shut them up for 5 minutes, to give Marcia Wallace a chance to act (-_-)

6/10

14 Bart Has Two Mommies

Nonsensical plot strikes again, and to think they get paid six figure sums to produce this garbage, you know (-_-)

3/10

15 Homer Simpson, This is Your Wife

Everyone raves over this bloody episode, but I think it's crummy, just like most so called 'parody' episodes. It's not just because it uses the same tired old format of Marge/Homer breaking up either, but the fact that we have to sit through an entire episode written by a guy who must have given his 'mate' Matt a BJ to allow him to write about such a boring, whining old fart as himself. Maybe I should offer him the same and he then might let me make the Sherri & Terri episode I've been waiting more than 10 years and dozens of pointless, badly written guest star episodes for (-_-)

2/10

16 Million Dollar Abie

Grampa schemes this time around, just in case we were getting bored with Homer doing totally stupid things. Well, at least Lisa was actually in character for once and against the bullfighting (-_-)

3/10

17 Kiss, Kiss Bang Bangalore

The MacGyver bit was good (it's about bloody time), but this obession with having The Simpsons travel the globe is way too anime-esque and pissing me off (-_-)

4/10

18 The Wettest Stories Ever Told

Rather than having one plot that sucks, let's make it three instead. Painful to watch by anybody's standards (-_-)

3/10

19 Girls Just Want To Have Sums

Whoa! Lisa's shows her panties longer than ever before, and she apparently burps & farts too according to Bart, all off screen of course, but pointed out so you don't get too turned on by her new attire of tight jeans and a T-shirt. Not a bad episode, just a bit silly and definitely sexist (-_-)

5/10

20 Regarding Marge

Yet another boring Marge episode. Why do I even bother (-_-)

2/10

21 The Monkey Suit

Clearly based on something that could only happen in the States with their overly pagan ways. Again, not a bad episode, but just too unbelievable to be very moving or entertaining (-_-)

4/10

22 Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play

Okay, it's the season finale, the ratings are through the floor, so let's put in some pointless guest stars, one of them showing off all her goodies, plus have them do the Marge/Homer breakup thing instead; that way, the fans won't be able to complain too much. By far the worst, most pointless episode of the season, although that is probably because most of the staff appear to be producers (did you see just how many of them there were at the beginning, it's ridiculous). I mean, do any of them actually work on the show itself or have they all just got their hands in the cookie jar. Considering how God awful this episode was, they all need to be fired, right now! (-_-)

1/10

Season 18

I know it seems unlikely that anything could be worse than Season 17, but Al Jean and his Krusty the Clown college of writers actually managed to pull it off with consummate skill. Continuing the trainwreck of pointless guest stars, butchered characterisations, and obsessions with vore, scat & shotacon, this season actually manages to not only be boring, but often truely offensive as well, something I would never have said about this show in the past. As I read elsewhere a while ago, the writers do indeed all seem to have Down's Syndrome as they struggle in vain to compete with Family Guy, completely forgetting that The Simpsons was around 10 years before any of that lowbrow stuff even existed and that is was doing just fine the way it was.

Indeed, gone are the poignant episodes of the early seasons, to be replaced with cheap shots at humour, which I wouldn't have laughed at even when I was a kid. Sub-characters now seem to consist entirely of ones played by Cartwright (even Milhouse was a virtual unknown in this season, let alone poor Sherri & Terri, who had even LESS lines than last season). The art & animation quality seem to have taken a nosedive this season too, with the kind of crummy production mistakes I would expect from Hanna Barbera shows like The Jetsons back in the 70s, not The Simpsons in the new millennium. If you ever needed a better reason why the show should be cancelled and all the staff fired, you won't find one here!

01 The Mook, The_Chef, The Wife, And Her Homer

I hope you enjoyed this episode since it's about the only one in the whole season so far that isn't boring or just plain sucks (-_-)

6/10

02 Jazzy And The Pussycats

Oh, how original, let's have Bart upstage Lisa. Been there, done it, worn the Bart T-shirt (also, you dumbarse writers, put down your bongs and understand that Samantha wouldn't be playing a trumpet in a sleazy nightclub, not if her dad wouldn't even let her snog Milhouse for Christ's sake - oh, sorry, you don't care about continuity, let alone seen the early episodes for that matter either, right? (-_-)

3/10

03 Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'em

Yet 'another' Marge/Homer breakup episode, what the hell are the writers playing at!!! (-_-)

3/10

04 Treehouse Of Horror XVII

Funnier with the Iraq joke left in, this one was actually better than last year's (though that wasn't exactly hard, was it). You'll notice Lisa wasn't getting down in the dirt with everyone though, just in case the viewers all turn into sex-crazed pedos. Instead, the writers couldn't resist continuing their 'macrophiliia' obsession, although at least Homer wasn't shown to be eating any of the kids this time around (-_-)

4/10

05 G.I. D'oh!

Another nonsensical episode created in poor taste, making fun of a subject that just isn't funny. I mean, even Bart isn't stupid enough to be conned in this way, let alone honour students like Sherri & Terri (-_-)

3/10

06 Moe 'N' A Lisa

Sucked for the same reason the Willie one last season sucked, the fact that Moe is a great one-line character, but not so great for a whole episode. It also was replete with more pointless guest stars than any episode to date (I mean, who the hell were they all? Do you know, because I sure as hell don't!?) and it recycled the age-old crap of Lisa being naive and used by an adult, making her look stupid yet again as if she's learnt nothing over the years (it's also interesting the way Homer was chaparoning her, no doubt in case Moe got any ideas about 'fiddling' with her (-_-)

2/10

07 Ice Cream Of Margie

Okay, my opinion of this one is biased as I used to collect lollysticks as well, but it was still a pretty crummy Homer scheme episode all the same (-_-)

5/10

08 The Haw-Hawed Couple

The only reason this crap gets made is because Cartwright won't take a back seat to Russi Taylor, meaning Bart & Terri's relationship will never be explored and we have to put up with this gay boy bollocks instead. As Tommy would say, where's my brick (-_-)

2/10

09 Kill Gil, Volumes I & II

Ho-hum, another lackluster Christmas episode. It's just been done too many times before, you wankers! (-_-)

4/10

10 The Wife Aquatic

The writers excelled their usual mediocrity here by using all three recycled formats at once: Marge/Homer breakup, stupid Homer scheme, and Lisa being betrayed (-_-)

3/10

11 Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Three Times

I had high hopes of seeing Sherri wedgied or at the very least, Lisa beating Milhouse up, but I should have known better, shouldn't I - terrible, unfunny subject matter to boot (-_-)

4/10

12 Little Big Girl

Remember kids, paedophilia is fine so long as the girl is older, plus teenage pregnancy is all just a bit of a laugh. I tell you, the really sad thing about this episode is that it wasn't too bad, just about a very hypocritical subject at present. Having Jessica come back and strike up her tenuous relationship with Bart would have been far better than this could ever hope to have been (-_-)

5/10

13 Springfield Up

By far the worse Simpsons episode I have ever seen! Anyone who thinks 'Bart To The Future' or 'New Kids On The Blecch!' are the worst should watch this one. I mean, I'm British and I haven't a clue who this Troy McClure wannabe, Desmand Declare is, but I can bet he sucked on more than a few dicks to get a whole episode to himself, an episode that contradicts everything currently known about the adult cast and one which makes a mockery of episodes like 'The Way We Weren't' (-_-)

0/10

14 Yokel Chords

One of those episodes that didn't suck or shine really, thouigh again, the writers couldn't resist the urge to allude to shotacon, probably because Family Guy is doing it so much these days (-_-)

4/10

15 Rome-Old And Juli-Eh

Recycled storylines involving two characters who most fans had probably forgotten about, Abe & Selma (we did get a brief look at Ling though I suppose - one of the writers must have been awake that day and remembered she actually exists (-_-)

4/10

16 Homerazzi

More shotacon references, not two episodes after the last time (Family Guy strikes again), with Milhouse this time no less. Proving that FOX excutives are probably all paedophiles, ones who don't have any problem with the idea of rent boys, yet do have a problem with any of the younger girls showing even an ounce of sexuality these days (I'm pretty sure the way Lisa sniffs those photo-processing chemicals and then falls back in a provocative position on her bed was pure coincidence, rather than a deliberate attempt to imply lolicon in any way). Okay, it wasn't a bad episode, but considering how a part Rainier had, where the hell was Greta, that's what I'd like to know!? (-_-)

5/10

17 Marge Gamer

I told you, didn't I, rent boys are fine by the writers, but Jessica was far too hot originally, so let's dumb her down, make her dumb, and have her dumb as well, so no-one gets any ideas about jacking off over her. Annoyingly as well, this episode wasn't too bad really, so why muck it up by putting in a completely pointless, out of character version of probably the most popular of the younger girls after Lisa? My God, the writers need to be fired! (-_-)

5/10

18 The Boys Of Bummer

Not content with butchering Jessica's character, the writers decided to screw her parents up this episode, remaking 'Milhouse Of Sand And Fog' almost in its entirety, despite it being only last season (I guess the writers have very short memories, or they are too busy spending all that loot FOX pay them, for what exactly!?). I mean, Helen Lovejoy romping on The Simpsons bed, what the FUCK are they on! Not only that but Jessica was nowhere to be seen when Marge & Homer broke into her house, nor was she with her parents when they came home, throwing so many humorous scenes straight out the window. The main plot was something about a boring baseball game that had everyone behaving so out of character, it was sickening (-_-)

3/10

19 Crook And Ladder

Yet another stupid Homer scheme episode, even more idiotic than usual, though he wasn't half as out of character as Bart, who seemed to have forgotten all the stuff he once stole from a department store. Okay, Maggie may only be a baby, but they should have just stuck with her and made the whole episode about her, seeing as she's been ignored for like, how many seasons now (-_-)

2/10

20 Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot

Making yet another episode about the dog was bad enough in itself (a totally out of character one at that, seeing as Santa's Little Helper was shown to be useless at everything in so many previous episodes), but the scene with the snake and the rabbit will haunt me for the rest of my life now and has probably spoiled my appreciation of the series far more than any other episode ever. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing the producers can do now to restore my faith in what has become little more than a Family Guy rip-off too preoccupied with merchandising than human drama, something the show stopped doing years ago in favour of recycled plots & potty humour (-_-)

3/10

21 24 Minutes

My God, I hope the series '24' is a lot better than this crapfest makes it out to be. Again, it was just another pathetic 'Cartwright' episode that could have been so much more at the end of the day (some of the bullies voices were just awful). Not only that, this episode had more continuity errors in it than I've ever seen before (Sherri & Terri being shown on the monitor - at the back of the class, where they never sit, I might add, because they are so narcissistic - and then being written off as missing by Skinner; plus much more noticable, Miss Hoover clearly standing in the gym, then she's drunk in the airvent, then she's standing in the gym again). The characterisations stunk as well, Martin helping the bullies and Bart working against them, what the hell is that all about!? I wish they'd quit it with the Family Guy 'Doom Clone' bit as well - it was mildly amusing last episode, but to keep using it is little more than a pathetic attempt at filler material. Of course, all this might be because of the amount of producers involved. I mean, their names were still coming up at the bottom of the screen TEN FUCKING MINUTES into the episode!!! (-_-)

3/10

22 You Kent Always Say What You Want

Oh yes, The Simpsons help out an ungrateful celebrity and Lisa gets betrayed; I never would have thought of that. Why exactly do these writers get five figure sums to recycle the same old crap from seasons past!? It wouldn't have been so bad if they had actually developed the plot instead of using that 'Doom Clone' shite YET again to waste a quarter of the episode, and then have Homer waste the next quarter with more largely forgettable scenes. I could have come up with something better than this in my sleep (I had an interesting, non-sexual for once, dream about Sherri & Terri the other night that would do for a start), but better still, I'd do it for nothing. The 'Family Portrait' short at the beginning, which is still a classic even today, and Comic Book Guy's quip about the Internet being the only source for news these days, were the only things that really made me laugh out loud and the ONLY things that prevented this episode being a total loss, just like last season's piece of crap finale (-_-)

4/10

Check back later this year when the 'Guild Monkeys' return to continue butchering the show in Season 19 (indeed, I was horrified to learn they actually have the audacity to want to flog the dead horse for yet another season in the name of the good old American dollar, starting off with two episodes that sound boring and uninspired, just from reading the descriptions alone) the same way they've utterly butchered these two seasons. Yeah, I know they should all be fired and these last two seasons decanonised, but FOX really haven't got bloody clue what they're doing anymore and only care about money anyway, which these wankers are getting paid in spades for some completely unfathomable reason (I mean, when I was in engineering, if you produced as much crap as they've done these seasons, you got fired, not given a payrise and the chance to work again at something you're clearly fucking useless at). Not that any of it matters because, in the producers' eyes, they're doing a better job than ever and only kids watch the show now anyway, and they're all too stupid to realise how God awful the show has become over the years, or at least that's what they want you to believe at any rate - Al Jean, you bastard! (-_-)

Ah, and need I say that if anyone reading this disagrees, well good for you, now go back to watching South Park! (^_^;)

You don't know what you're talking about!!!

As my brother said just tonight, "What do you expect for a series that has been running for so long? After 400 episodes, you're bound to run out of ideas." Yeah, I suppose if you're a hack writer working on the show at present that's self evident, except that I have no trouble thinking up dozens of ideas for the show. I mean, I could create an entire season based around Springfield Elementary alone, even if I wasn't allowed to put any sex in it (^_^;)

The opportunities for stories are so abundant, I fail to see why the writers don't think of them. In fact, I intend to cite a few ideas of my own in the coming weeks, stories that would have been far more interesting than anything shown above, the kind of stuff that should have been done 10 years ago, before the fans began to switch off, and long before the show slipped into its present rate of rapid decline (-_-)

Is The Simpsons a sexist series?

Dear, dear, my Rants page is getting longer and longer in regards to the show, with the latest section being that i'ss clearly sexist and has been ever since Maggie Roswell quit. That said, until I played Hit & Run back in late 2005, I never even gave this much thought at all, but considering the way Seasons 17 & 18 have played out, I would have to say most definitely 'yes' these days, it is sexist, very much so! You don't have to look very hard for the reason either: the 'Cast of Six' are nearly all guys, except for Cartwright who only plays boys anyway, and poor old forgotten Yeardley who plays Lisa, and occasionally Maggie - big deal!

All the extras, Marcia Wallace (Krabappel), Maggie Roswell (most of the women in the show), Pamela Hayden (some of the younger girls, like Janey & Allison) & Russi Taylor (the twins), get so few roles these days, the show has become almost entirely male driven, except for the occasional freakshow Lisa episode. Ah, and speaking of Lisa, she no longer has no friends to speak of, deliberate so they don't have to bother with the extras, while they happily give roles to boring, pointless characters like Nelson, Jimbo, Kearney & Dolph, just because they all played by Cartwright. In fact, Hit & Run was so devoid of female characters, it made little or no sense at times, especially on Lisa's stage. However, when I carried this over to the show, it was surprising to see the exact same thing was happening there too (from Season 17 onwards, it has become so obvious, it's offensive to watch now).

Thanks to Castelleneta & Cartwright and their constant whining for attention, I'll never get the twins episode I want now, but instead, tons of pointless episodes about the secondary characters, just because they play them. Either that or token guest star episodes featuring mostly younger girls who you will never ever see again, like Jessica, Laura, Allison, Greta, Alexis, Sophie, Francine - the list goes on. Even 'Lard Of The Dance' got fucked up because of them, just because they couldn't go even one episode without playing Homer & Bart. My God, it was a Lisa episode, a chance for her to finally do something normal with her friends, and they STILL had to put in Homer & Bart in doing something stupid to ruin it all - my God, the writers needed to be fired!

Okay, the original shorts were basically about Homer & Bart, fair comment, but once the full series began, they went out of their way to expand the cast, only to contract it again later on when they realised they could get away using only the 'Cast of Six' to maximise profits (I swear, if they could get away with killing Lisa off, I'm pretty sure they would do it too, like they did in that stupid spinoff episode which didn't feature her at all, the bastards!). What gets me is they make $2 BILLION a year in fucking merchandise; that's 2,000 times what an episode costs to make, and yet they wouldn't even pay Maggie Roswell's paltry travelling expenses, much less give her and her counterparts bigger slots on the show.

No, I'm sorry, but the show is little more than an elaborate TV ad these days, designed to sell more plastic junk, which is exactly what the movie is going to be as well, just a dumbed down piece of shite aimed at the kiddies, so they badger their parents to buy them even more merchandise they are brainwashed into thinking they need.

[11:15:55] Jeffrey Lane says: It wasn't until I played Hit & Run that I realised just how glaringly obvious this is too, the fact that 4 of the 'Cast of Six' are guys and Cartwright only does boys voices in the show, leaving just Yeardley to play Lisa, and Maggie on occasion - big deal! (-_-)
[11:25:50] Jeffrey Lane says: Heh, I think I'll add all this to the site (^_^;)

魔法少女・Ｒ・ＵＳ (Magical Girls R Us)

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My Personal Simpsons Rant

魔法少女・Ｒ・ＵＳ
(Magical Girls R Us)

ランツ
Rants